Is The Honeymoon Already Over?

Dear Joel:

“Ed” and I are going to be married in six months. This will be a second marriage for both of us. We are both in our 30s, neither one of us ever having had children. We are planning a small, intimate, family and “close friends” wedding only.
As we continued to make our plans “Ed” suddenly decided that our honeymoon to Italy was no longer what he wanted. He decided that the Caribbean is more of a “honeymoon destination.” Joel, we have paid almost half of this trip and although it is refundable for any reason; I refuse to change the destinations and plans that were put into place months ago.
As you can imagine, this created a major blow up and we haven’t spoken in nearly two weeks. Perhaps, I am being stubborn but it’s the principle of the matter here. I would love your thoughts as to who is right. Should I let him get away with his childish behavior? -Susan (Keyport, N.J.)
ANSWER:

Susan thanks for writing. I actually take your side here in that plans were in place and they sounded reasonable. He agreed at the time and I think that his changing his mind may be unfair. I must say ahead of time that this is an advice column. I am neither a physician nor trained in marriage counseling.
That being said, I don’t think that the trip here is the issue. If at this stage of the relationship you haven’t spoken in the amount of time, I think the honeymoon might have already ended. Time for you to call “Ed” and invite him to dinner. I would stand firm about postponing this marriage as your relationship is more complicated than the honeymoon destination.
If you can’t work this detail out I honestly see trouble ahead in the long run. Settling this honeymoon destination problem out now will not change my view of this relationship.
Please let me know how it works out.
Good Luck,
Joel

Posted in Dear Joel