I have an issue that I haven’t been able to discuss with anyone else and decided to write to your column. About two years ago I was diagnosed with cancer. As you can imagine it was a frightening experience and all things considered I am doing well. I did undergo many forms of treatment which changed some of my sensations, gait and certainly outlook on life.
The good news is that I have been cancer free. I am celebrating a new sense of health that I didn’t appreciate before this happened. Here is my problem. My husband was always a very physical man. Since my illness, I have no appetite for sex and find him very insensitive. There has been a lot of tension in our home and I would like your opinion as to who is right and who is wrong.
First of all thank you for writing. I must start by saying that although many people think that I am a physician. That is not the case. That being said, working in home health care for as long as I have, I hear many personal stories. Your situation is not unique. There are many reasons why couples drift apart sexually, even when illness has not been an issue in the relationship.
Your last sentence of “who is right in this situation” is an interesting one. I am less concerned about who is right and more concerned with helping you as there really isn’t a right or wrong. Although, I can’t be certain, my guess is that the two of you will not be able to work this out by yourselves. I suggest seeking a marriage counselor, sex therapist or other mental health professional. The answer may be right in front of you but neither of you knowing how to find it by yourselves. I wish you good health and truly hope that you can work through your differences.
Questions for Joel? Write to Joel@preferredcares.com
Seek Some Help To Work Out The Differences